I'm not the poet I used to be

I am not the poet I once was
All my heartfelt, sobbing verse
That flowed in time
With rhythm and rhyme
Seems silly and rehearsed

My soul feels these deep emotions
That words fail to express
My thoughts are on a merry-go-round
And lining up for the address

The teen angst did give way
To a woman confused in love
Only to learn I knew not
How to love or be loved
Because I did know its author

Sleepless nights and pleading cries
Left me empty and alone
Filling the void with substitutes
Surely led me deeper down the dark path

Weighted down by regrets and shame
In circles spinning round
Had someone not set me on the right course
Left to my own devices
I surely would have drowned

But the rescue came
I did not know it was unfolding
It started with a vocation
That ended up a calling

Restored dignity...
Slowly rebuilding what sin, fate and pain tore down
Little by little every broken piece
Was being repaired,restored, made new

Purpose renewed my strength
Hope sprang anew
Eventually I found myself
In a love that was new
The path had thorns, but the rose did bloom
Into a love so true
And each season gets sweeter
Fruit bore more fruit

Then the light grew brighter
The light within fueled by the source
Of the Light of the World
Rearranged, changed
Dead to the old
Resurrected and new

The journey has just begun
Learning, living, shining, sharing, proclaiming
It's so hard to explain

But I'm not the poet I used to be
Something happened
 when the Lord took hold of me
I still sing, though the songs are new
But sometimes the joy
Cannot be put into verse
So I have become better
My poems are worse

But the maker of my soul
Knows the songs that I sing
He is my audience
 so it's okay.

Still running

I used to run away
     from the thoughts in  my head
     from the pain
     from the tears
     from the hopes because they were drowned out by fears

I used to run away
    from the conflict
    from the conquest
    from the contradiction
    from the controversy
 
I used to run away
   too weak to stand my ground
   the running drowned out the sound
   of my racing mind
   of my feeble pounding heart
   of the should have, would have, could have
                   regrets that would drown

and then pain
                    left me drained
                                             oh the running was in vain
but then I was changed

I am still running
                     but now I run to
I run to your open arms
         to lay down my burdens
                             my fears
                                    my doubts
                                           my tears
I run to your listening ear
            to talk out my hopes
                              my dreams
                                          my aspirations
I run to your understanding love
             when I fail
                       when I come up short
                                          when I am very aware of how unworthy I am
And I run to you
                   I cannot quite get to that finish line it evades me
But in your endless mercy and abounding love
                     Come and reach me right where I am
                                           The race continues
                                                                 but I run not away but toward
 And when I am weary and can't take another step
                                               it is then I realize....you are alongside me
                                                                                          and have always been