I'm not the poet I used to be

I am not the poet I once was
All my heartfelt, sobbing verse
That flowed in time
With rhythm and rhyme
Seems silly and rehearsed

My soul feels these deep emotions
That words fail to express
My thoughts are on a merry-go-round
And lining up for the address

The teen angst did give way
To a woman confused in love
Only to learn I knew not
How to love or be loved
Because I did know its author

Sleepless nights and pleading cries
Left me empty and alone
Filling the void with substitutes
Surely led me deeper down the dark path

Weighted down by regrets and shame
In circles spinning round
Had someone not set me on the right course
Left to my own devices
I surely would have drowned

But the rescue came
I did not know it was unfolding
It started with a vocation
That ended up a calling

Restored dignity...
Slowly rebuilding what sin, fate and pain tore down
Little by little every broken piece
Was being repaired,restored, made new

Purpose renewed my strength
Hope sprang anew
Eventually I found myself
In a love that was new
The path had thorns, but the rose did bloom
Into a love so true
And each season gets sweeter
Fruit bore more fruit

Then the light grew brighter
The light within fueled by the source
Of the Light of the World
Rearranged, changed
Dead to the old
Resurrected and new

The journey has just begun
Learning, living, shining, sharing, proclaiming
It's so hard to explain

But I'm not the poet I used to be
Something happened
 when the Lord took hold of me
I still sing, though the songs are new
But sometimes the joy
Cannot be put into verse
So I have become better
My poems are worse

But the maker of my soul
Knows the songs that I sing
He is my audience
 so it's okay.